Well last week I concentrated on Sex Toys in my post so this week I am going to look at bondage for beginners. I think that a lot of people will have read the 50 Shades books and this has resulted in a massive surge in people interested in light bondage.
I am not going to look at the more extreme things that some people might be into, but I still feel that it is important to stress that if you are playing with your partner in this way you need to talk beforehand about the limits, you need to think about whether or not you need a safe word, and if you do what this should be, and you need to make sure that you keep everything Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC.
We use safe-words in the bedroom, well I have never needed to use them, but they are there should the occasion arise, we use a traffic light system, Green = All Ok, Amber = Still Ok but getting close to limits, Red = STOP, it is important that if you use this system or any other safe-word that you pay attention to it and that if the word for stop is used that you stop immediately.
The use of a safe-word might not signal the end of the session but it might mean that a break is needed. A safe-word should always be something that you would never normally say during sex, it should be easy to remember and short enough to say quickly and to get a response from your partner, I have heard of people using words such as Custard or Antelope.
Ok, so that’s the boring bit out of the way, now it is time to look at the toys, here are my top 5 recommendations for light bondage play, more extreme versions of all of these are available but as I have said, I am trying to keep this light.
1. Handcuffs, personally I hate metal handcuffs, they are just so uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, I would
advise anyone against buying the metal ones for anything other than a hen night or stag do gift, for the bedroom try to go for something like leather or soft fabric, which is much better for long term wear. Ours fasten with Velcro and I know your probably thinking well that won’t keep me in, believe me they are very strong and ideal for people new to this sort of thing as they are very easy to release someone from, should they become uncomfortable or should you want to move onto something else.
2. Under the bed restraints, Don’t have a four poster bed, but always wanted to tie your partner up like you have, then this is the perfect answer, they just simply slip under the mattress and you have four cuffs which pop out from underneath the bed, you can move these to be top and bottom or four corners, or a combination of the two, we have some of these and they really are worth the money, the cuffs that come with are normally velcro fastening so easy for a quick release if needed, however, you can usually swap the cuffs for something more substantial should you feel that you need to move one from lighter play.
3. Nipple clamps, as with anything of this kind there are 101 versions of this and some are much more severe than others, the clover clamp is probably one of the most severe of these, so they should be avoided by anyone new to this, unless you like pain and know what you like, try something more decorative at first, or if you’re not sure if you like it at all, the good old clothes peg does the same job and a fraction of the price. Remember if like me you have piercings you might find that nipple clamps don’t sit right, or can even interfere with your piercings, I avoid nipple clamps for this reason and have some stirrup rings which things can be attached to instead.
4. Spanking, some people love it, some people hate it, I personally can’t get enough of it, but I know it isn’t for everyone, the best way to start is with a light tap from a hand. If you find that you like it you might want to move on to something more than that, Paddles are a great place to start, you can buy suede or leather ones, the suede been the least painful, if you feel like you want to move on from that, maybe a crop or a flogger would be nice. I love floggers as they can be used to stroke the skin as well as for flogging, and then finally for those that really enjoy it and want more (or have a school girl fantasy) there are canes. Canes should only be used by people with experience as doing it wrong can leave some bruising.
5. Blindfolds, taking away someone ability to see what it is that you are doing is a fantastic way to add spice to the bedroom, but you do not need to go and buy a blindfold, the best blindfold that we have is a scarf, it blocks out more light than any that we have bought, and is soft and sensual to use.
I am sure that there are many many more things that you can think of when talking about bondage play, but these I feel are the basics, and these products are what I would think of as a good place to start.
Don’t forget though that when using any of these types of things that it is doubly important that you communicate with each other and continuously check in with each other to make sure that you are both having fun.
This is the reason that I have left gags off this list, I feel that they make it hard to communicate with your partner and when you are starting out with this sort of play, communication is key to you both developing and understanding of what it is that you both enjoy. Also they make you drool like mad.
